Christmas Lobotomy Room 2 December 2016 DJ Set List

/  I call this “A sex kitten contemplates Christmas”: Ann-Margret, early sixties (presumably around the time she starred in Kitten with a Whip) / 

From the Facebook event page:

Christen Christmas party season 2016 on a sweaty, desperate note – at Lobotomy Room! When we transform the Polynesian-style basement Bamboo Lounge of Dalston’s premiere Art Deco vice den Fontaine’s into Santa’s grotto! Friday 2 December!

For the final festive and boozy Lobotomy Room of 2016, we’re combining the film club AND the dance party! COME for the FREE screening of the most kitschy and campy of all seasonal TV specials – Pee-Wee Herman’s 1988 Playhouse Christmas Special! Watch agog as bow-tied perverse brat Pee-Wee welcomes a mind-boggling cavalcade of super star special guests to his playhouse - including queer favourites Grace Jones, Little Richard, Cher, Joan Rivers, Charo, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Oprah Winfrey and kd lang!

Afterwards, STAY for Christmas cocktail capers at FREE incredibly strange dance party Lobotomy Room! Wilder than you can imagine! Explicit beyond belief! Revel in sleaze, voodoo and rock’n’roll at Lobotomy Room! Where sin lives! A punkabilly beer blast! Sensual and depraved! A spectacle of decadence! Bad Music for Bad People! A Mondo Trasho evening of Beat, Beat Beatsville Beatnik Rock’n’Roll! Rockabilly Psychosis! Wailing Rhythm and Blues! Twisted Tittyshakers! Punk! White Trash Rockers! Kitsch! Exotica! Curiosities and other Weird Shit! Think John Waters soundtracks, or Songs the Cramps Taught Us, hosted by Graham Russell (of Dr Sketchy and Cockabilly notoriety). Expect desperate stabs from the jukebox jungle! Savage rhythms to make you writhe and rock – with some abrasive atomic-era Christmas tunes thrown in! Vintage erotica projected on the big screen all night for your adult viewing pleasure!

Won’t you join me for a snowball or egg nog and learn the true meaning of Christmas with Pee-Wee Herman? Whether you’re naughty or nice, a tawdry good time is guaranteed!

Doors to The Bamboo Lounge open at 8 pm. Film starts at 8:30 pm

Heartfelt thanks to everyone who came to the Christmas Lobotomy Room club in the Bamboo Lounge of Fontaine's! The last Lobotomy Room of 2016! (Don’t worry – Lobotomy Room returns end of January 2017). Nothing says "Christmas" quite like Pee-Wee Herman, grainy black-and-white vintage homo porn and snarling punk music! It rocked until 1:30 am and things got messy towards the end (one of Fontaine’s trademark golden palm trees got knocked over! Very naughty!).

/ Rat-up your hair like a teenage Jezebel this Christmas! Merry Christmas to all the hair hoppers (via patron saint of the beehive, Ms Ronnie Spector) /

Embracing the festive spirit, I aimed to sprinkle the odd Christmas tune into my usual putrid selection in a typically half-assed way: think Elvis, Mae West’s ultra-camp 1966 Wild Christmas album, various rhythm & blues and rockabilly Christmas novelty stuff (i.e. “There's Trouble Brewin'” by Jack Scott) and plenty from the single greatest modern Christmas album – 'Tis the Season for Los Straitjackets! (2002), in which the savage Mexican wrestler-masked surf punks tear through twang-y surf instrumental interpretations of traditional Christmas music.  For a sampling, check out Los Straitjacket’s ominous rumbling rendition of “God Rest You Merry Gentlemen” here.

Otherwise, I kept things frantic and punk-y. I play at least a few tracks by X every time I DJ.  “Year 1” (from X’s 1981 album Wild Gift) is something of a Lobotomy Room staple: a one minute and thirty one second tantrum, with a jittery Exene Cervenka breathlessly exclaiming the lyrics like she’s introducing a new dance craze. Below is a ferocious clip of early, lacerating X in 1980 (the year they unleashed their debut album Los Angeles) performing “Your Phone’s Off the Hook”. The two iconic essential faces of early Los Angeles punk were Darby Crash of The Germs (the scene’s Sid Vicious, dead by 22) and Exene. The most vivid and accurate description of Exene’s voice I’ve ever read was in some Rolling Stone review from many years ago: “a flat kewpie doll shriek.” You wouldn’t call morbid death kitten Exene anything as conventional as the “singer” or “frontwoman” of X: she was their moll / twisted bride / voodoo dolly. Kill me and take me to Los Angeles!  

Another Lobotomy Room perpetual is Alan Vega (23 June 1938 – 16 July 2016), the debauched lounge lizard crooner-from-hell from New York electro-punk duo Suicide. I play his solo material rather than Suicide: I love his jagged, speed-freak twist on rockabilly (like his throbbing cover of Gene Vincent’s Be Bop A Lula spliced with the Peter Gunn theme ). Simply playing a track by Vega creates an instant ambiance of sleaze. Just witness this menacing and hostile 1981 performance of “Jukebox Babe”. Vega’s thousand-yard death glare! The disheveled hot mess of a female go-go dancer gyrating and jiggling behind him out of time to the music! The way, midway through, Vega starts wordlessly screeching! The moment he snarls, “C’mon! Move your asses, fuckfaces!” to the crowd. Ensure to watch it through until the end when he contemptuously flips the finger (double finger, in fact!) and spits at the audience before he stalks offstage. 

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - Los Straitjackets
Santa Claus is Back in Town - Elvis Presley
Santa Don't Pass Me By - Jimmy Donley
Shanghaied - The Fabulous Wailers
Surf Rat - The Rumblers
Three Cool Chicks - The 5,6,7,8s
Fever - Nancy Sit
Eight Ball - The Hustlers
Christmas in Jail - The Youngsters
Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me - Mae West
Dragon Walk - The Noblemen
Killer - Sparkle Moore
The Swag - Link Wray and His Ray Men
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Los Straitjackets
Comin' Home, Baby - The Delmonas
Santa Claus is Back in Town - Elvis Presley
Adult Books - X
Hey Santa Claus - The Moonglows
Let's Have a Party - Wanda Jackson
Lou Lou - Darrell Rhodes
Beatnik - The Champs
Your Phone's Off the Hook - The Ramonetures
Here Comes the Bug - The Rumblers
Fujiyama Mama - Annisteen Allen
Sweet Pussycat - Andre Williams
I Love the Life I Live - Esquerita
Santa Baby - Mae West
Kismiaz - The Cramps
Mau Mau - The Fabulous Wailers
Taboo - The Shangaans
Monkey Bird - The Revels
Wimoweh - Yma Sumac
Go Calypso - Mamie Van Doren
Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me - Elvis Presley
Feliz Navidad - Los Straitjackets
Wipe Out - The Surfaris
There's Trouble Brewin' - Jack Scott
Let's Go Baby - Billy Eldridge
Bikini Girls with Machine Guns - The Cramps
Scorpion - The Carnations
Year One - X
Be Bop A Lula - Alan Vega
C'mon Everybody - Sid Vicious
Your Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad - Tammy Wynette
You're the One for Me - Wanda Jackson
Wiped Out - The Escorts
Do You Remember Rock'n'Roll Radio? The Ramonetures
Cretin Hop - The Ramones
Vampira - The Misfits
Nothing Means Nothing Anymore - The Alley Cats
Boss - The Rumblers
Atomic Bongos - Lydia Lunch
Jukebox Baby - Alan Vega
Forming - The Germs
Rock Around the Clock - The Sex Pistols
Here Comes Santa Claus - Los Straitjackets
Breathless - X
Somethin' Else - Sid Vicious
I Walk Like Jayne Mansfield - The 5,6,7,8s
That Makes It - Jayne Mansfield
Woo Hoo - The Rock-A-Teens
He's The One - Ike and Tina Turner
You're Driving Me Crazy - Dorothy Berry
Big Bad Boss Beat - Teen Beats
Touch the Leather - The Fat White Family
Contact - Brigitte Bardot
Viens danser le twist - Johnny Hallyday
Khrushchev  Twist - Melvin Gayle
Twist Talk - Jack Hammer
Year One Twist - The Ramonetures
Twistin' the Night Away - Divine
Big Girls Don't Cry - Edith Massey
Muleskinner Blues - The Fendermen
Shortnin' Bread - The Readymen
Surfin' Bird - The Trashmen
Jim Dandy - Sara Lee and The Spades
Gostaria de saber - Wanderlea
Under My Thumb - Tina Turner
Lucille - Masaaki Hirao
Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
Margaya - The Fender Four
Bombora - The Original Surf-aris
Suey - Jayne Mansfield
Pass the Hatchet - Roger and The Gypsies
Fist City - Loretta Lynn
Your Phone's Off the Hook - X
Ain't That Lovin' You Baby - The Earls of Suave
Frosty the Snowmen - Los Straitjackets
Two Headed Sex Change - The Cramps
It's A Gas - The Rumblers
Hanky Panky - Rita Chao and The Quests
Intoxica - The Centurions
Aphrodisiac - Bow Wow Wow
My Way - Nina Hagen
We're A Happy Family - The Ramones

/ Don’t you hate it when people say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? Only kidding! /

One of the downsides of being stuck behind the DJ booth all night is I don't get much opportunity to take any photos of my gorgeous attendees! Here is a just a handful of glamour shots I managed to take! 












Bonus material:




/ The heavenly intonations of The Del Rubio Triplets! /

/ "Now the only thing missing is Charo!" /




Further reading:

Read about all the previous antics at Lobotomy Rooms to date here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here

Follow me on tumblr for all your kitsch, camp, retro vintage sleaze and fifties homoerotica needs!

Follow me on twitter!

"Like" and follow the official Lobotomy Room page on Facebook if you dare!

Christmas - at Lobotomy Room! Friday 2 December 2016

Inaugurate the 2016 Christmas party season on a note of sweaty desperation on Friday 2 December – at Lobotomy Room! When we transform the Polynesian-style basement Bamboo Lounge of Dalston’s premiere Art Deco vice den Fontaine’s into Santa’s grotto!

For the final festive and boozy Lobotomy Room of 2016, we’re combining the film club AND the dance party into one night! COME for the free screening of the most kitschy and campy of all seasonal TV specials – Pee-Wee Herman’s 1988 Playhouse Christmas Special! Watch agog as bow-tied perverse brat Pee-Wee welcomes a mind-boggling cavalcade of super star special guests to his playhouse - including queer favourites Grace Jones, Little Richard, Cher, Joan Rivers, Charo, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Oprah Winfrey and kd lang!

Afterwards, STAY for Christmas cocktail capers at free incredibly strange dance party Lobotomy Room! Wilder than you can imagine! Explicit beyond belief! Revel in sleaze, voodoo and rock’n’roll at Lobotomy Room! Where sin lives! A punkabilly beer blast! Sensual and depraved! A spectacle of decadence! Bad Music for Bad People! A Mondo Trasho evening of Beat, Beat Beatsville Beatnik Rock’n’Roll! Rockabilly Psychosis! Wailing Rhythm and Blues! Twisted Tittyshakers! Punk! White Trash Rockers! Kitsch! Exotica! Curiosities and other Weird Shit! Think John Waters soundtracks, or Songs the Cramps Taught Us, hosted by Graham Russell (of Dr Sketchy and Cockabilly notoriety). Expect desperate stabs from the jukebox jungle! Savage rhythms to make you writhe and rock – with some abrasive atomic-era Christmas tunes thrown in! Vintage erotica projected on the big screen all nigh for your adult viewing pleasure!

/ Because nothing says "Christmas" like vintage gay porn and snarling punk music! Celebrate Christmas with a twist - at Lobotomy Room! /

Putrid music! “Adult” movies! Won’t you join me for a snowball or eggnog and learn the true meaning of Christmas with Pee-Wee Herman? Whether you’re naughty or nice, a tawdry good time is guaranteed!

Doors to The Bamboo Lounge open at 8 pm. Film starts at 8:30 pm

/ Below: Christmas pin-ups via John Waters' favourites Edith Massey and Jean Hill /

Facebook events page

Further reading:

Read about all the previous antics at Lobotomy Rooms to date here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here , here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here

Follow me on tumblr for all your kitsch, camp, retro vintage sleaze and fifties homoerotica needs!

Follow me on twitter!

"Like" and follow the official Lobotomy Room page on Facebook if you dare!

Christmas Dr Sketchy 21 December 2011 DJ Set List

/ Christmas Sweetheart: Diana Dors, the British Jayne Mansfield /

This one will be a quickie, as I'm meant to be rushing out the door for a Christmas Eve dinner party! The last Dr Sketchy of 2011 went off with a bang! Our elegant resident emcee Dusty Limits was on top form. The featured model and performer was a new girl, the stunning and statuesque Beatrix Von Bourbon, who looked like a spicy rockabilly pin-up come to life. (Come to think of it, because of her extensive tattoos and piercings she probably qualifies more as a psychobilly!).

As an added bonus, my friend Jim (the one I go to Viva Las Vegas with) stopped by for a few drinks, accompanied by his dog Daisy. It’s always nice to kneel down and kiss the top of Daisy's head while DJ’ing (although what she tends to do is lunge for my mouth and plant a wet messy doggy kiss right on my lips when I do that. I’m wise to Daisy’s tricks!). On some of the quieter tracks, the audience may have been able to hear Daisy’s grunting and snorting noises from the DJ booth.

/ Season's Greetings -- via the great Bettie Page (surely one of Dr Sketchy's patron saints) /

Musically, I aimed to whip-up the festive mania with my kitsch-iest and most abrasive selection of Christmas tunes, swirling together lounge, exotica, surf, doo-wop, rhythm and blues, rockabilly and just plain weird shit (the Mae West Christmas album seems to baffle people year after year!). I actually deeply love campy Christmas novelty songs: this year there was only one Dr Sketchy in December, and my CD player broke when I had my own Christmas cocktail party a few weeks ago – so I really seized the moment and revelled in the chance to wallow in this stuff. As of Boxing Day, all my Christmas music is going to be moth balled for another twelve months.

Christmas Song - Chet Baker
Exotic Night - Martin Denny
Violets for Your Furs - The Continental
Candles Glowing - Marlene Dietrich
The First Snowfall - The Coctails
White Christmas - Elvis Presley
Let Christmas Ring - The Coolbreezers
Ole Santa - Dinah Washington
Jingle Bells - Johnny Mercer
Cool Yule - Louis Armstrong
Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas - Ruby Wright
Put the Loot in the Boot, Santa - Mae West
Jingle Bells - Gene Autrey
Christmas Time is Coming - Stormy Weather
Snowfall / Snowfall Cha Cha - George Shearing / Billy May
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus / Jingle Bell Bossa Nova - Eddie Dunstedter
Hey Santa Claus - The Moonglows
Baby It's Cold Outside - Carmen McRae and Sammy Davis Jr
Winter Wonderland - Peggy Lee
I Want a Man - Thelma Cooper
Here Comes Santa Claus - Elvis Presley
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Dean Martin
Sleigh Ride - Lloyd Glenn
Nothin' for Christmas - Eartha Kitt
I'd Like You for Christmas - Julie London
Christmas Island - Bob Atcher and The Dinning Sisters
My Christmas Prayer - Billy Fury
Christmas Wish - El Vez
Santa Claus is Back in Town - Elvis Presley
Santa Baby - Mae West
White Christmas - The Ravens
Jingle Bells - The Vel Mares
Frosty the Snowman - The Ventures
Santa Please Don't Pass Me By - Jimmy Donley
Christmas in Heaven - Billy Ward & His Dominoes
Jingle All the Way - Lena Horne
Fat Daddy - Fat Daddy
Let It Snow - Wayne Newton
Sleigh Bells, Reindeer and Snow - Rita Faye Wilson
Winter Wonderland - Chet Baker
Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
Warm December - Julie London
Christmas in Jail - The Youngsters
Jingle Bell Rock - Wayne Newton
Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Far Away Christmas Blues - Little Esther
Silent Night - Dinah Washington
Little Drummer Boy - Marlene Dietrich
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Billie Holiday
The Merriest - June Christy
I Wish You a Merry Christmas - Big Dee Irwin and Little Eva
Christmas Morning - Titus Turner
This Year's Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
There's Trouble Brewin' - Jack Scott
Sleigh Ride - El Vez
It's Christmas Time - The Five Keys
With Love from Me to You - Mae West
Here Comes Santa Claus - Elvis Presley
Blues for Christmas - John Lee Hooker

/ Finally: Not quite a tittyshaker, but it will do -- and it's seasonal. Shake it! /

John Waters's Christmas Show at The Royal Festival Hall on 5 December 2011

Seeing John Waters at Christmas time is becoming something of an annual tradition. In December 2010 the Sultan of Sleaze was in London promoting the hardback edition of his latest book Role Models (that was when I interviewed him for the Nude website). While in London the irrepressible provocateur / raconteur did an onstage interview followed by a question and answer session at The Royal Festival Hall, which I attended with my friends Mari, Alison and Damon. It was a blast.

On 5 December 2011 Waters returned to the same venue, this time touring his long-running Christmas-themed spoken word show. Waters has long been garrulous about his rabid enthusiasm for the kitschy and campy aspects of Christmas: his 1987 book Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters includes the essay "Why I Love Christmas" (read an excerpt here). In 2005 he collated a compilation of his favourite twisted Christmas tunes (mainly obscure 1950s and 60s Rhythm and Blues) entitled A John Waters Christmas (which is one of my DJ'ing staples during the Christmas party season). Fruitcake, the jinxed film project he’s been trying to get off the ground in recent years (his last film to date remains 2004's A Dirty Shame) was meant to be a seasonal children’s film about a criminal family who steals meat to order for Christmas dinner. And we can never, ever forget the single greatest Christmas scene ever committed to celluloid: Christmas morning with hair-hopping juvenile delinquent Dawn Davenport and her family in Female Trouble (1974).



Beforehand, I met up with my glamorous friends Alison Leary and Laurie Vanian (Mari was meant to come, but was ill on the night. Luckily she recovered in time for my Christmas cocktail party on 10 December) for happy hour cocktails at one of my all-time favourite bars, Cubana in Waterloo. Even just walking towards Cubana cheers me up and gets my mouth watering at the thought of their Mojitos: as soon as you turn the corner and approach the bar, you see their giant painted mural of Carmen Miranda with her arms outstretched triumphantly (why a Cuban bar features gigantic tribute to Carmen Miranda – who was born in Portugal and raised in Brazil – is a whole other question). (I used to work in that neighbourhood, at a fetish / sex shop on Lower Marsh almost directly opposite Cubana. Let’s not open that whole can of worms. That was a lifetime ago!). Needless to say, talking trash with these two vixens (think of Alison and Laurie as my Chicklet and Concetta -- Dawn Davenport's bad-girl friends from Female Trouble) over two-for-one drinks was the perfect warm-up to seeing cinema’s Prince of Puke.

/ Chicklet (Susan Walsh) and Concetta (Cookie Mueller) in Female Trouble (1974). Photo Via /



/ Alison (channelling Tallulah Bankhead) and Laurie at Cubana /



/ Margaritas and Mojitos at Cubana ... and a crotch shot of me /



/ Alison and I /



/ Devastating glamour shot of Alison. Her sweater matches the radiator beautifully. She thinks of everything /



/ Alison and Laurie /



/ The great man himself: King of Sleaze John Waters onstage at the Royal Festival Hall. We were in row P: not bad at all, but not good enough to take any decent shots. His outfit is almost certainly by Comme des Garcons /

I was quite drunk by the time John Waters came onstage (four Mojitos followed by some pre-show pints of lager on an empty stomach will do that), but I can confirm the show was a scream and far raunchier and "bluer" than the description “Christmas show” suggests. The anecdotes flowed effortlessly and Waters was on great form. Here are some of the highlights I can recall from my Mojito and lager fog:

Waters revealed that the only time Divine would drag up and try to actually convince or “pass” as a real woman was every Christmas Eve – when she’d go to Mass! (She probably just liked look a very zaftig Elizabeth Taylor wannabe).

One particulary great line: Waters was saying that unlike many of his friends, he really does believe some people are genuinely heterosexual. Most of his friends are apt to snarl, “Oh, so you’re straight? So is spaghetti until it gets hot!”

He lamented that all young people now shave their pubic hair off, recalling how in his youth he and his friends loved it and call it “pelt.” People used to actually say, “I want to get me some pelt tonight!” (This brought back a nice memory of the much-missed Edith Massey as Queen Carlotta in Waters’ 1977 cinematic atrocity Desperate Living exclaiming, “Look at that pelt!” as one of her evil henchmen stripped naked in front of her).

He said he loves learning new sexual slang. One of his friends recently told him he’s a “blouse.” When Waters asked, “What’s a blouse?” his friend explained, “An effeminate top!”

At the end, he wished us all a “filthy, bisexual, biracial Christmas!” It was a heart-warming end to the night, and rest assured I’m doing my damnedest to live up to John Waters’ Christmas wish. Which reminds me: I've got to get me some pelt!

Christmas Cocktail Capers! 10 December 2011

My brutally minimalist Christmas decor (it's the same shit every year!). Shame this photo isn't Smell-o-Vision: the Muji Christmas candle is Cinnamon and Mandarin-scented. In the background: the damned, DAMNED stereo that died mid-party.

For the past few years I’ve been holding intimate but swingin' Christmas cocktail parties chez moi at my tiny studio flat in Archway. (See photos from previous parties here and here). This year’s fell on Saturday 10 December 2011. On the Facebook events page I created, I warned potential guests in advance:

Food will be minimal, so make sure you EAT FIRST. I live in a tiny studio flat (in the heart of London’s glittering Archway) with limited seating, so you will inevitably be forced to stand and mingle. I will be playing kitsch, abrasive Christmas tunes until you beg me to stop. (Do you still want to come?).

It sounds like I was setting the bar kind of low, huh? Looking back, here’s what I learned from my 2011 cocktail party:

1) Nobody really likes snowballs, in the same way very few people actually like mulled wine or mince pies. Snowballs are so intensely sweet they’re not exactly more-ish. So in retrospect I wish I’d only bought one bottle of Advocaat. I also bought a jar of maraschino cherries to garnish the snowballs with, and wound up only using a handful of cherries. Decades from now when the police recover my decomposed remains from this flat, that jar of cherries will still be there untouched in my cupboard.


My inspiration: Nigella Lawson knocking up some snowballs

2) Campari is definitely an acquired taste! I first had it in Rome and have come to love its extremely dry, bitter almost cough syrup flavour – but I was definitely in the minority. After the snowballs were drained, rather than open the second bottle of Advocaat I switched to another Nigella Lawson Christmas cocktail recipe (not sure if it has a name): Campari, blood orange juice and cranberry juice – it makes for a festive deep blood-crimson colour. Later on, I realised most people had barely sipped these and then set them down untouched. (I mentioned the unpopularity of Campari to my glamorous Roman friend Laura Casella and she fired back via Facebook, “Campari e' molto buono!”). So next time I’d stick with flutes of icy cold Cava or Prosecco – which everyone loves. (Nigella can steer you wrong: she once suggested buying the gingerbread-flavoured syrup that Starbucks flavours their Christmas gingerbread lattes with and adding a drop to glasses of Cava, claiming it tastes like “Christmas in a glass.” In fact it instantly turns a perfectly good glass of sparkling, clear Cava murky, flat, opaque and sickly sweet! That sticky bottle of gingerbread syrup – which wasn’t cheap, by the way -- sat untouched in my kitchen cupboard for a good two years before I finally chucked it out).

3) It was also just my luck that my CD player finally broke down the night I was having a party! It’s a faithful old 1990s relic which has lasted – and sounded great -- for ages, but it’s been gradually acting increasingly erratic and unreliable. The internal “eye” has stopped reading CDs properly: they either won’t whirr into action at all, or they’ll skip in a way that’s so annoying it’s like an audio torture device straight out of Guantanamo Bay. So I had to play my lovingly-selected Christmas CDs (all my atomic era Ultra-Lounge kitsch Christmas ones, Christmas albums by everyone from Mae West to Elvis to Chet Baker, etc) via iTunes on my PC instead, which sounded muffled and tinny.

At one point I put on a “joke” Christmas tape I’ve had since my student days at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario – a cassette called Christmas Party Dancing (the cassette part of my stereo was still working. Yes, it has cassette decks. I did say it was old). It's the kind of ultra-cheap budget cassette you would have found in a discount bin at a gas station in the 1980s. I wish I could scan the cover or find an image of it online: it’s a photo of a smiling young Afro-Caribbean woman with cornrow braids (she’s meant to signify “disco") wearing a red hooded fur-trimmed Santa’s cape (which signifies “Christmas”), with the title Christmas Party Dancing in zany red and white lettering and really bad old school clip art of a burning candle. It’s the most jaw-droppingly awful collection of Christmas carols re-interpreted as the naff-est possible disco music. Anyway, I put the cassette on as a camp-y joke but people seemed to think I actually thought it was good, so after a few uncomfortable minutes, I took it out again!

4) The entire first part of the night I was so busy mixing drinks I barely got to talk to anyone! The first set of guests had to leave by midnight to catch the last tubes home (they lived as far flung as South London and West London). The next shift of guests arrived circa midnight and stayed until 2 am (one friend -- my old mucker, French rockabilly Dominique -- helped me polish off some remaining bottles of Cava until 5 am!).

In spite of the above, my party was mostly a blast, if I do say so myself. Here are some shots of my elegant guests. If you want to see more, check out my flickr page.


Julian, Mari and Anthony (just to clarify: those curtains came with the flat, OK?)


Mari, Anthony and Rob


Christopher and Lauren (who are in the art-punk band Matron together) and the unpopular Campari cocktails


Christopher and Damon


Welsh people unite: Julian and Lauren


Who knew mixing drinks was such sweaty work? The blotchy, sweaty hosty and the glamorous Mari


Were two people ever more photogenic? Julian and Mari


No, he's not giving her the Heimlich Maneuver: Lauren and Julian


Two kinky blondes: Magda and Lauren


International sex kitten Magda raises a glass


Damon and I


Dominique and I

22 December 2010 Christmas Dr Sketchy Set List

/ Because nothing says "Christmas" like Ann-Margret in a leopard skin catsuit ... /

Another night of Christmas-a-go-go! Much as I love it, by now even I am sick of Christmas music! Obviously on Christmas day I’ll be playing some 1950s Christmas lounge and jazz music while pounding back glasses of snowballs and mulled wine – but after that my Christmas compilations are being put on mothballs for twelve months.

This night Dr Sketchy was at probably my favourite of all our venues: the Royal Vauxhall Tavern. It’s long been the home of London’s most cutting edge alternative cabaret club nights (living up to its reputation as a historic music hall venue), and (gratifyingly for a DJ) its sound system is thunderously loud. The RVT was decorated with beautiful Christmas decorations (including big plaster cherubs), with moody atmospheric night club lighting and candles glowing on the tables: think festive but Weimar Republic decadent, as if the seedy nightclub in Josef von Sternberg’s The Blue Angel(1930) was decorated for Christmas. In other words, the perfect locale for Dr Sketchy at Christmas! So I was annoyed when suddenly the houselights were cranked up again just when people were starting to filter in. There also seemed to be a commotion outside, with RVT staff rushing in and out, but I was busy DJ’ing and oblivious. Finally one of the bartenders came over and explained why they’d turned up the lights: there was a bomb scare outside; the surrounding area was taped off while it was being investigated. That’s the kind of news that really jangles your nerves, but we carried on in the British blitz spirit and hoped that we wouldn’t have to cancel, and that people would be able to arrive safely. Mercifully the bomb scare was a false alarm, and the place gradually filled up. We just had to push back the start time from 8:00 pm to 8.30 pm to accommodate late comers.

We had two models: Platinum blonde burlesque starlet Slinky Sparkles (a Dr Sketchy veteran) performed an adorable Christmas-themed striptease number giving new meaning to the concept of “Christmas stocking”. We also had a sinewy male model, Beau Black. The RVT is primarily a LGBT venue, and our shows there tend to get a little raunchier than normal, sometimes featuring full male nudity. At the end of night for the final sketch the two models plus suave emcee Dusty Limits and a member of the audience recreated a kinky, non-traditional (sacrilegious?) nativity scene onstage – for which Beau posed stark naked except for a Santa hat, while I played Wayne Newton belting out “Jingle Bell Rock!” My kind of Christmas!

Doing two sets now of Christmas tunes this month (see my playlist from 6 December 2010) made me realise how many endless versions of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm” I’ve played. Great songs that open themselves to infinite interpretations, but considering the lyrics of neither ever make reference to Christmas, it’s funny how they have been embraced as Christmas standards. (For the record, Julie London’s sloooowed down version of “I’ve Got My Love ...” is the sultriest of all time).

As of the next Dr Sketchy on 8 January 2011, normal musical service will be resumed. In the meantime ... Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town / White Christmas - Jimmy McGriff
Winter Wonderland - Chet Baker
Violets for Your Furs - The Continental
Candles Glowing - Marlene Dietrich
Silent Night - Dinah Washington
First Snowfall - The Coctails
Exotic Night - Martin Denny
Let Christmas Ring - The Coolbreezers
What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? Nancy Wilson
My Christmas Prayer - Billy Fury
White Christmas - Elvis Presley
Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me - Mae West
Santa Claus is Sometimes Brown - El Vez
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Wayne Newton
Jingle All the Way - Lena Horne
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus / Jingle Bells Bossa Nova - Eddie Dunstedter
Sorry to See You Go - June Christy
Winter Wonderland - Peggy Lee
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Lou Rawls
Let It Snow! Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - Eddie Dunstedter
Christmas Time is Coming - Stormy Weather
JIngle Bells - The Vel Mares
Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas - Ruby Wright
Santa! Please Don't Pass Me By - Jimmy Donley
Sleigh Bells, Reindeer and Snow - Rita Faye Wilson
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - Jimmy McGriff
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - Al Martino
Jingle Bells / Jingle Bell Rock - The Hollyridge Strings
Santa Claus is Comin' to Town - Lena Horne
Far Away Christmas Blues - Little Esther
Blues for Christmas - John Lee Hooker
I'd Like You for Christmas - Julie London
Christmas Time Is Here - El Vez
Santa Claus is Back in Town - Mae West
Christmas in Jail - The Youngsters
Ole Santa - Dinah Washington
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Mambo - Billy May
Winter Wonderland - Dean Martin
Jingle Bells - Gene Autrey
Fat Daddy - Fat Daddy
Merry Christmas, Baby - Lou Rawls
Nothin' for Christmas - Eartha Kitt
Christmas Kisses - Ray Anthony
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Julie London
Christmas Wish - El Vez
Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt (1960s version)
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Billie Holiday
Warm December - Julie London
Baby It's Cold Outside - Dean Martin
Cha Cha Cha All the Way - Capital Studio Orchestra
The Merriest - June Christy
White Christmas - Peggy Lee
I'll Be Home for Christmas / Baby It's Cold Outside - Jackie Gleason / Jack Marshall
Everybody's Waitin' for the Man with the Bag - Kay Starr
Jingle Bell Rock - Wayne Newton
Christmas Island - Bob Atcher & The Dinning Sisters
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Sammy Davis Jr and Carmen McRae
This Year's Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
Santa Claus is Back in Town - Elvis Presley
Frosty the Snowman - The Ventures


/Haunting Christmas scene: pink flamingos in the snow /

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6 December 2010 Christmas Dr Sketchy Set List

/ Wishing you a Jayne Mansfield Christmas ... /

For the first of our two Christmas extravaganzas this month (this one was at The Paradise in Kensal Green), Dr Sketchy’s glamorous promoter and stage manager Clare Marie emerged from behind the scenes to emcee the night herself. Marianne Cheesecake (who’s done three Dr Sketchy’s in a row and is starting to feel like Dr Sketchy’s burlesque artiste in residence!) charmed the crowd with a great Santa’s little helper routine in green sequins. Considering it was a Christmas spectacular, we spiced things up with a grand total of four beautiful models: Marianne Cheesecake, Ruka, Violetta and Ellie.

Later on there was high drama when a woman in the audience accidentally set her hair on fire! She was leaning back to get a good photo of the performers onstage and leaned right back into the candle on the table behind her! I was DJ’ing and distracted, when I heard a woman scream, there was a puff of smoke and suddenly the air was filled with the stench of scorched hair. What was cartoon-like was the people surrounding her spotted her hair was on fire before she did and started screaming. She was initially oblivious. Horrifying, but mercifully she wasn’t hurt or even lost much hair! Also luckily it happened toward the end of the night. Once we realized she was OK we tried to get on with the rest of the show and pretend nothing had happened, but it was hard to ignore the smell of singed hair. She even said, "I feel like Michael Jackson!" She also said she was wearing lots of hairspray -- it could have been much worse. It was a very John Waters moment, actually! So please remember the hazards of combining long hair and candles this Christmas season, ladies.

Musically, it was a great opportunity to go heavy on the abrasive kitsch Christmas tunes. Things started off quite elegantly, with the focus on 1950s cool jazz (Chet Baker’s Christmas album – think Christmas standards played at sultry junkie tempo) and exotica / lounge (an ethereal Martin Denny track, a bossa nova interpretation of “Jingle Bells”, Marlene Dietrich huskily exhaling Christmas carols while still sounding like she’s straddling a chair backwards and wearing fishnet stockings). Later on I ramped up the campiness and sleaze appeal: Christmas novelty songs,Christmas doo wop, Christmas surf instrumentals, Christmas raunch (Mae West’s 1966 Christmas album),Christmas rockabilly (Elvis Presely, Billy Fury, Jack Scott), Christmas rhythm & blues (Little Esther, Dinah Washington), glitzy Vegas Christmas (Wayne Newton, Dean Martin), sex kitten Christmas (Julie London, Eartha Kitt), plus other oddities and curiousities.

Our next Christmas Dr Sketchy will be at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern on 22 December – I’ll inevitably play the same tracks, but in a different order!

Christmas Song - Chet Baker
That's What I Want for Christms - Nancy Wilson
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus / Jingle Bells Bossa Nova - Eddie Dunstedter
Santa Claus is Comin' to Town - Lena Horne
The First Snowfall - The Coctails
Candles Glowing - Marlene Dietrich
Exotic Night - Martin Denny
Let Christmas Ring - The Coolbreezers
Santa! Don't Pass Me By - Jimmy Donley
Christmas Island - Bob Atcher & The Dinning Sisters
Silent Night - Dinah Washington
My Christmas Prayer - Billy Fury
Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me - Elvis Presley
Merry Christmas Baby - Mae West
Sleighbells, Reindeer and Snow - Rita Faye Wilson
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Mambo - Billy May
Brown Christmas - El Vez
Jingle Bells - The Vel Mares
Jingle Bell Rock - Wayne Newton
I'm Gettin' Nothin' for Christmas - Eartha Kitt
Christmas Wish - El Vez
Far Away Christmas Blues - Little Esther
Warm December - Julie London
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Billie Holiday
Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Ole Santa - Dinah Washington
There's Trouble Brewin' - Jack Scott
Santa Baby - Mae West
Christmas Time Is Coming - Stormy Weather
What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? Nancy Wilson
Happy Holidays - Peggy Lee
Fat Daddy - Fat Daddy
All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth - Nat King Cole
Have a Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas - Ruby Wright
Sleigh Ride / Jingle Bells - Al Caiola & Riz Ortolani / Jimmy McGriff
Jingle Bells - Gene Autrey
Little Drummer Boy - Marlene Dietrich
Snowfall / Snowfall Cha Cha Cha - George Shearing / Billy May
I'd Like You for Christmas - Julie London
Christmas in Jail - The Youngsters
The Christmas Waltz - Nancy Wilson
Blues for Christmas - John Lee Hooker
Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me - Mae West
Christmas Time Is Here - El Vez
Christmas Kisses - Ray Anthony
Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm - Julie London
Baby It's Cold Outside - Dean Martin
Everybody's Waitin' for the Man with the Bag - Kay Starr
Frosty the Snowman - The Ventures
Jingle Bells / Jingle Bell Rock - Hollyridge Strings
Here Comes Santa Claus - Elvis Presley
I Wish You a Merry Christmas - Big Dee Irwin & Little Eva
Let It Snow - Wayne Newton
This Year's Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt

/ Essential Christmas viewing ... John Waters' 1974 classick "Female Trouble" /



"I hate you, I hate this house and I hate Christmas!"

/ Below: Mae West's 1966 Christmas album /

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