Reflections on ... Rent-A-Cop (1987)

Recently watched: Rent-A-Cop (1987). When Burt Reynolds and Liza Minnelli were originally teamed for the 1975 film Lucky Lady, the result was a notorious and expensive mega-flop. So, I could kiss on the lips whoever approved reuniting the duo for crime thriller / romantic comedy hybrid Rent-A-Cop, the acme of gleefully enjoyable 1980s schlock. 

When a police sting operation goes horrifically wrong, gruff tough-as-nails Detective Tony Church (Reynolds) joins forces with kooky free-spirited escort girl Della Roberts (Minnelli). Della, you see, witnessed the carnage and is the sole person who can identify masked gunman Adam "Dancer" Booth (played by James Remar. Sex and the City fans will recognise him as Samantha Jones’ on-off boyfriend Richard Wright. Remar also made his share of good movies, like The Warriors, Cruising (both 1979) and Drugstore Cowboy (1989)). But not if Dancer kills her first! Or, as Rent-A-Cop's tagline exclaims “There’s a killer on the loose and the lady is the target.” 

Inevitably – after some wacky hi-jinks - the sparring odd couple of Tony and Della gradually fall in love. Aside from a cameo appearance in The Muppets Take Manhattan, this represents Minnelli’s first screen role after a gap of five years following her highly publicized stint at the Betty Ford Clinic (her previous major part was Arthur in 1981). Awash in sequins and mugging furiously, this is certainly Minnelli at her most “Minnelli”. Della’s sex work is depicted as a wholesome TV sitcom-friendly lark (she offers her johns the gamut of “his mommy, Little Bo-Peep, or Helga the Bitch Goddess”. It should be noted that the same year, Minnelli’s peer Barbra Streisand also unconvincingly played a high-price prostitute in Nuts). 

Anyway, Rent-A-Cop abounds with “what-the-fuck?” moments: Dancer inexplicably performs a sweaty homoerotic Flashdance-style number in front of a mirror. A bewigged drag queen at a nightclub accosts Della with “I love your muff!” Guest star Dionne Warwick portrays Della’s madam. Weirdly, Rent-A-Cop is set in Chicago and exteriors were shot there but the interiors were filmed in Rome’s Cinecittà Studios. And the screenplay was written by Michael Blodgett – best-remembered by cult cinema fans as hunky Lance Rock in the 1970 Russ Meyer sexploitation classic Beyond the Valley of the Dolls! Reynolds and Minnelli were both nominated for the 1988 Golden Raspberry Awards for Worst Actor and Worst Actress (Minnelli won). 

Further reading: the Cranky Lesbian blog’s shrewdand in-depth analysis. She quotes Reynolds' not very chivalrous but frank recollection on acting opposite Minnelli: “She’s not the easiest person in the world to act with. She’s never quite with you. It’s like she’s reading something somewhere off-camera. Yet she’s amazing as a live performer.”

The Glory Gala featuring Liza with a Z: 7 July 2017

As promised on the Facebook event page: 

THE GLORY GALA Featuring Liza with a Z

The Glory is excited to announce its first ever ‘GLORY GALA’ in the beautifully restored Art Deco ballroom of Stoke Newington Town Hall on Friday 7th July

Following on from the amazing success of LIPSYNC1000, Jonny Woo will stage a re-enactment of the award-winning 1972 TV special Liza with a Z. Featuring 25 of the LIPSYNC1000 stars and some extra special guests, hosted by The Glory’s own John Sizzle, Liza Minnelli is getting a 21st Century makeover!

Alongside the ‘Liza’ centrepiece, The Glory Gala brings our favourite DJs and a selection of the new Drag King Stars from this year’s season of MAN UP! who will be showcased in the 'Glory Gentlemen’s Club"

The Glory Gala heralds our first celebration of Pride in London with a showcase of everything you love about The Glory. Spectacular, riotous, joyous cross-dressed party carnage. And with over 25 Liza Minnellis on show, what isn’t there to love?

/ Freida Slaves: one of the many facsimiles of Liza Minnelli! /

The Glory’s Pride 2017 Gala at Stoke Newington Town Hall on 7 July was a  truly glorious freaking tour de force! Or as my boyfriend Pal put it: amazing with a Z!

The evening incorporated a painstaking and imaginative recreation of Liza Minnelli’s 1972 TV special Liza with a Z musical number-by-musical number live onstage. Think of it as a night of 1001 Lizas: the huge cast (including Jonny Woo, Jayde Adams and La JohnJoseph) incorporated a disparate crew of multiple Minnellis of all genders and ethnicities, many of whom sporting luxuriant facial hair. (All of the surrounding wig emporiums from Dalston to Peckham must have sold out of short, perky Liza Minnelli-style pixie Dynel wigs).

/ Friend of Dorothy: effervescent emcee John Sizzle channeling Liza. Or is that mama Judy? /

While I treasure Minnelli as a kitsch figure of fun (she personifies pill-popping Valley of the Dolls-style smiling-through-your-tears glitzy old-school show biz corniness), I also mainly know her for her dysfunctional hot mess years: terrible films like Rent-a-Cop (1988) and Stepping Out (1991), her highly publicised stints in rehab, her mortifying short-lived marriage to the repellent David Gest and that befuddled, heavily-medicated episode where she hawked her own line of clothes on the Home Shopping Network. This night was a good reminder that in her seventies prime (around the time of Cabaret (1972) and when she was rubbing shoulders with the Warhol crowd at Studio 54 clad in head-to-toe Halston), Minnelli was a vivid, original and credible performer. (It’s got to be said, though: Pal and I watched Minnelli’s 1972 TV special in bed on the iPad the night after. In some cases, The Glory’s performers improved on the original!).  

/ Above: Liza Minnelli Polaroid by Andy Warhol. Let's remember her this way / 

/ Above: Jonny Woo and co recreating the "Ring Them Bells" musical number /

And – judging by the enthusiastic and diverse crowd’s hunger for jazz hands, sequins and tremulous emoting - Minnelli’s enduring status as a cherished gay icon is clearly unassailable. Anyway, everyone was great. Or “terrific” as Minnelli herself would say. Pal (who has a dance background) is ultra-critical of other dancers and even he said he was dazzled by how they’d nailed the slinkily sinuous Bob Fosse choreography.

Much as I loved Freida Slave’s interpretation of “Bye Bye Blackbird” (above) my highlight was the finale (which most definitely had nothing to do with the original Liza with a Z!): an anguished John Sizzle in a ratty fright wig, hospital gown and wheelchair seemingly in throes of a nervous breakdown and en route to rehab, tormented by dancers in David Gest wigs to a soundtrack of Liza belting out the 1989 Pet Shop Boys-produced synth-pop version of “Losing My Mind.” 

/ Liza Minnelli in hell: John Sizzle tormented by the David Gest dancers. (These two pics swiped from Hackney Pride 365 Facebook page. Photos by Georgi Banks-Davies) /

I didn’t catch his name, but I also loved the queen with the tinsel wig and glitter-dusted mustache who performed a berserk lip-synch to the title song “Liza with a Z” in which Minnelli works herself up into an increasingly foaming-at-the-mouth frenzy explaining how to spell and pronounce her name. (When I was posting photos on my phone onto Facebook, auto-correct kept changing “Liza” to “Lisa” and I thought, “That’s exactly what Liza was protesting about!”). I don’t have any footage of him, but here is the original. 

The aftermath: afterwards, drunk, we did precisely what Liza Minnelli herself would have done - rampaged through the streets of Stoke Newington on the hunt for fried chicken.

/ Above: Chris, Pal and I /

/ Louise, Chris and Pal /

/ Louise, Chris and Pal /

/ Me, Louise and Chris /

/ Chris and I, recreating that old Mickey Hargitay / Jayne Mansfield party trick /

/ I think I'll just leave this historic queer encounter here: John Waters and Liza Minnelli /




/ In closing: Liza Minnelli jumping (belatedly) on the disco bandwagon and absolutely slaughtering Donna Summer's "Bad Girls" in 1980 /